Living Wills: Don’t Make Your Loved Ones Guess What You Would Have Wanted

I was in college when my grandfather passed away.  He was sick off and on for many years.  In our family, no one wanted to talk about end of life issues or dying.  It wasn’t a comfortable conversation.  Unfortunately, when my grandfather became very sick and went into the hospital for the last time, he did not have a Living Will to address his end of life wishes.  My grandfather ended up on a ventilator and eventually the doctors asked my grandmother what my grandfather would have wanted.  Did he want aggressive treatment and to most likely be on a ventilator the rest of his life or would he want to be allowed to die in peace?  My grandmother had no idea because it was not a topic my grandfather ever talked about.

I remember the stress this decision placed on my grandmother.  She was afraid of making the wrong choice; she was concerned her children would not support her choice; she was afraid to choose.  The doctors wanted an answer, so my grandmother went home from the hospital and vowed to come back in the morning with an answer.  Fortunately for my grandmother, she never had to tell anyone what she decided.  My grandfather passed away in the wee hours of the morning before my grandmother returned.  I think it was a blessing that she did not have to choose.

Years later, my grandmother said it was the hardest choice she ever had to make.  To this day, I still don’t know what she decided.  What I do know is that after my grandfather’s funeral, my grandmother met with their attorney and had a Living Will drafted.  She told her children that she did not want them to have to go through the same thing that she did when my grandfather was ill.

-Heather Frenette, RN,MSN, CMC
Professional Care Manager in Arizona